The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
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