I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Randomize
