im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
grandma shit on top of the toilet
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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