She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
