Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
