So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
