Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
The air was thick with penises
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
and you fell through a lawn chair
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
