I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
