which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
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