you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
