After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
