According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
