So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Randomize
