The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
