I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
why do cheetos always look like penises
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
