And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
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