i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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