I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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