please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
