wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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