I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
