he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Randomize
