I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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