im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
