They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
