So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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