FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
i believe in u and ur pee
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Randomize
