Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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