blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
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