your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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