So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I'm too high and old for this...
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
