i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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