I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Randomize
