It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
