the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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