I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Randomize
