Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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