that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
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We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
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I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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