nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
