everyone is single if you try hard enough
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
