I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
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