we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
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