Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
It's just like the Real World with babies
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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