Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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