Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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