What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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