Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Randomize
