maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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