a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
