I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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