I just cut my nipple shaving
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
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Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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