Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
