apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
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