wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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