This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
