Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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