Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
