The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
