He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Randomize
