So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
