I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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