No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
My friends, they love my intelligence
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
