Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Randomize
