Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
