I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
